SATURDAY, 4/7/2001, 12:00pm HST by Raul and Penfold

Yes that's right, music by Minister Louis Farrakhan, who supposedly was a Calypso singer in the 50's. I'm not sure how legit this is. Check out the dirty details and the audio here. Warning, there might be a small popup when you go in. Click all the way through, there's a funny little app at the end, the African Name Generator.

Finally! A weed Web site that doesn't look like a 6-year old kid designed it! Have a look at Highbastard.com. Haven't perused the entire site yet, but they do seem to have some gems.

Not like the subject is original or anything, but here's something to read while you're bored. Straight from the mouth of the best thing to happen to comedy writers since Ronald Reagan.

Well barring some miracle on Sunday, Pittsburgh's Jaromir Jagr will become a five-time Art Ross trophy winner as the league's leading scorer, beating out Colorado's Joe Sakic. The question still remains, though: Who gets the Hart trophy as the league's regular-season MVP?

Hockey Times

Hockey times for week of 4/7/01

• FSWH-21 Sat, Apr 7, 2001 3:00 PM "Los Angeles Kings at Calgary Flames"
• ESPN2-23 Sun, Apr 8, 2001 9:00 AM "Philadelphia Flyers at Buffalo Sabres"
• ESPN2-23 Sun, Apr 8, 2001 9:30 PM "Philadelphia Flyers at Buffalo Sabres"
• ESPN2-23 Wed, Apr 11, 2001 1:30 PM "Conference Quarterfinal, Game 1"
• ESPN-22 Wed, Apr 11, 2001 4:00 PM "Conference Quarterfinal, Game 1"
• ESPN2-23 Wed, Apr 11, 2001 4:30 PM "Conference Quarterfinal, Game 1"
• ESPN-22 Wed, Apr 11, 2001 9:00 PM "Conference Quarterfinal, Game 1"
• ESPN2-23 Wed, Apr 11, 2001 10:00 PM "Conference Quarterfinal, Game 1"
• ESPN-22 Thu, Apr 12, 2001 1:30 PM "Conference Quarterfinal, Game 1"
• ESPN2-23 Thu, Apr 12, 2001 1:30 PM "Conference Quarterfinal, Game 1"
• ESPN2-23 Thu, Apr 12, 2001 4:30 PM "Conference Quarterfinal, Game 1"
• ESPN-22 Thu, Apr 12, 2001 9:00 PM "Conference Quarterfinal, Game 1"
• ESPN2-23 Thu, Apr 12, 2001 10:00 PM "Conference Quarterfinal, Game 1"
• ESPN-22 Fri, Apr 13, 2001 1:00 PM "Conference Quarterfinal, Game 2"
• ESPN2-23 Fri, Apr 13, 2001 1:30 PM "Conference Quarterfinal, Game 2"
• ESPN2-23 Fri, Apr 13, 2001 4:30 PM "Conference Quarterfinal, Game 2"
• ESPN-22 Fri, Apr 13, 2001 9:30 PM "Conference Quarterfinal, Game 2"
• ESPN2-23 Fri, Apr 13, 2001 10:00 PM "Conference Quarterfinal, Game 2"
• KITV-6 Sat, Apr 14, 2001 12:00 PM "Western Conference Quarterfinal"

I saw this posted on the NHL broadband site: Metallica has done a music video for the NHL. It's called the "Hero of the Day." When I first saw it here, I refused to listen to it for fear that my beloved NHL would be defiled by a weak Metallica effort. Well I had the misfortune of hearing it today and let me just say, it is the most puss-ass whiney bitch metal song I have heard in a long time. Metallica ought to remove the fucking "metal" from their name. I mean over half the song is some weak ass crooning shit, then the last 30% has this limp orchestral crap that only barely passes as anything resembling metal.

It's a piece of shit, go check it out so you can join me in my outrage. As Penfold says, "And they blame Napster for no one listening to their shit?" If you want to hear a little better hockey music, go Napster "Dallas Stars" by Pantera. It's kind of mindless but at least it's harder.

Nice girl, give me some candy

CINCINNATI, (Reuters) -- Police on Saturday were investigating reports that pupils at a Cincinnati elementary school were swapping sexual favors for soda and candy.

Intel tried to trademark a name including 'AMD'?

SOURCES CLOSE TO the Intel Corporation showed The Inquirer a document towards the end of last week which showed that at one point the firm tried to trademark the phrase AMD 386.

This is just one of the amazing facts about Intel's trademarking propensities which we learned when we quickly checked out the 430 page document from the firm's legal department.

FRIDAY, 4/6/2001, 7:58pm HST by Penfold
The "Daylight Savings Crap" Edition

Right when I get used to the times for shows on FoodTV, they go and do this daylight savings crap.

Virtual magic eight ball. Not satisfied to write a randomizing applet, no this is the real deal. Submit the question, and let it shake the ball for you. Check it out here. Make sure to see how it's done here.

Stolen from our friends at Little White Dog.

Looks like AOL came crashing to the ground worldwide yesterday. Once more reason not to be a AOL subscriber. Read about it here.

33 Years the Elder

Las Vegas, Nevada-AP -- A 48-year-old New Mexico man and his 15-year-old Las Vegas bride are trying to marry again in New Mexico.

But Sauren Crow and Sierra Dawn Kirkpatrick are having trouble finding a judge willing to perform the service.

Also from FoxNews, It's hammer time.

FRIDAY, 4/6/2001, 11:00am HST by Raul
The "Vacation Time" edition

Nothing like not working and getting paid for it ...

Yes, there is indeed a town called Fucking. At least according to this Snopes page.

Yes, there is a site dedicated to psycho ex-girlfriends called -- you guessed it -- PsychoExGirlfriend.com. Actually it's dedicated to one person's psycho ex-girlfriend in particular, and has links to the 53 voicemails she left him after the breakup.

Some of you might remember Raging Rudolph when it originally aired on Mad TV a few years back. For those that didn't, give it a look. This is one of the greatest gangster-movie spoofs of all time, now mirrored for you at CJ.

Well three teams were assured of playoff spots yesterday -- the San Jose Sharks, the Los Angeles Kings and the Vancouver Canucks -- and as the playoff picture solidifies, it's time to get the Tokenasians.com Stanley Cup pool going ("for amusement only," ahem). Let me know if you're in.

Big Daddy Roth R.I.P.

Ed "Big Daddy" Roth, whose fantastic car creations and anti-hero Rat Fink character helped define the California hotrod culture of the 1950s and '60s, has died. He was 69.

Good news for you twisted pervs: Stileproject is back up.

THURSDAY, 4/5/2001, 8:58pm HST by Penfold

Yeah, so it's only 2 things to post. There's nothing really good out there.

From the party that brought you the "ketchup is a vegetable" comes a new plan by the W. to irradiate school food. Check it out here.

While not historically correct, this article is still pretty funny.

THURSDAY, 4/5/2001, 12:30pm HST by Raul

No words can explain what can be found here, you just have to check out Otogai World for yourself. I haven't explored the site fully yet, and the coding may be a little flakey -- it crashes my IE quite often -- but while it works, it's a gas. Click on the "gallery" link at the top of the page (after checking out the rollovers on the main page first).

Raul's picks: shit smeller, mastervater (if you bug a guy, he takes longer!), benki BLDG, and icon parade.

WARNING! This site REALLY stresses the stability of your browser. You should not have anything open that you don't want to lose in a crash. But it's still worth checking out, one of the coolest sites I've seen in a while. Honest!

Thank Tef for this one: This Type-R pen was "successfully" sold on eBay. Just click on the auction for the punch line.

Which reminds me, I forgot to post this, an auction for an actual piece of Mir.

Copyright roundup at the Reg

There is perhaps no major figure in the copy-protection dispute more hyperinflated with irrelevant gaseous Sophistry and bizarre intellectual pretensions than MPAA President Jack Valenti.

Napster news: Well although the testimony is swinging somewhat in favor of P2P, the RIAA is still intent on fucking with Napster and similar distribution schemes. Why? Because they have No Control. (They do not understand, they have no control, they are not in command)

Despite that, Napster use is once again on the rise.

Shitty day? Take a break and check out this TheSpark.com page: Proven Ways to Avoid Sex. Maybe it's worth a grin or two.

Well yesterday the Reg reported that new Apple firmware for G4s would disable CL2 memory in favor of the CL3 memory specified in the PC-100 standard Macs are designed for. So it seemed like that indeed, Macs were designed to be inferior. But instead, Apple is just fucking with you. SOME memory sticks will be disabled, and some will still work. But you have no way of knowing before upgrading. Check the article here.

Hannibal was right

Evidence that women have a tell-tale body odour that reveals when they are fertile has been discovered, one of several subtle clues that overturn the conventional wisdom that men cannot detect ovulation.

WEDNESDAY, 4/4/2001, 7:58pm HST by Penfold
The "Straight Up" Edition

Only two articles, but I know that this is why you really visit the page.

For those of you who don't like to deal in raw numbers, at 5.877 inches, the average penis is about the size of a Nestle Butterfinger candy bar (unwrapped) or a grande (medium) cup of coffee at Starbucks (with the sip lid). Most men vary in size between a Twix bar and a Peter Paul Mounds (with the wrapper extended).

Ron "the Hedgehog" Jeremy, far from average. Read about the new documentary about his life here.

WEDNESDAY, 4/4/2001, 1:20pm HST by Raul

No, no. No picture today. No time. You come back tomorrow.

This site is actually pretty cool, but it is doubly funny for those who have ever engaged in any sort of editing endeavor. The Gallery of "Misused" Quotation Marks is pretty self-explanatory.

Hot on the heels of the Pee Movie site ... the Fart List.

Why didn't the "Internet appliace" take off? Find out here.

Standards

WOODBURY, Minn. -— A Minnesota teen-ager told he couldn't wear a sweatshirt with the words "Straight Pride" on it because it was offensive to some students at a public high school has sued the school district in federal court claiming his free speech rights were violated.

Evil crane game

A fed-up six-year-old got stuck in a vending machine at a hotel after he climbed in to it to get a free toy.

TUESDAY, 4/3/2001, 8:58pm HST by Penfold

Not much good content today.

Read about Comedy Central's newest comedy lampooning our newest president here.

What kind of weirdo buys something like this?

Raul reports that he forgot to post jockey news:

The Colorado Avalanche, somewhat unsurprisingly, locked up the President's Trophy -- awarded to the team in the NHL that has the best regular-season record -- with a win over the oilers. Check it out here.

TUESDAY, 4/3/2001, 12:15pm HST by Raul

This is just too funny/odd/cool for words: Got a memorable member? Well then Clone your Bone! And for the women ... Match your snatch!

Do you? If you did, this site is for you. The Pee Movie List is a site that has -- you guessed it -- a comprehensive listing of movies that feature peeing in one form or another.

This is somewhat irreverent but interesting nonetheless. Fetus Soap on a Rope. Give it a look see. Somewhat Flash-heavy, so be warned.

Well everyone's favorite shock-trash site Stileproject seems to be embroiled in a little legal tiff right now that is causing some problems. Take a snoop at what is probably the cleanest the page will ever be.

MS fux0red again

Microsoft has come under fire from users who have discovered the company's patch to fix a potentially seriously security problem works only if they upgrade their browsers.

Penfold sends this link to a similar article on Wired.

Regarding SCE

SINGAPORE (Reuters) -- Singapore will launch its second campaign in two years to urge better spoken English while taking a softer stance on the local dialect known popularly as "Singlish."

Also in Singapore: School Fights Truancy with Phone Messaging.

MONDAY, 4/2/2001, 8:58pm HST by Penfold and Laura
The "No Court Tommorow" Edition

Poor me, tormented endlessly about doing content today.

Note to Julie: This one's for you...another cute NASCAR driver you were asking me about. Such a cutie isn't he? Hehe.
(Penfold's not the only one who can do the tormenting around here.)

Hmmmmm, pet rats. You know, a rat does make quite a good pet. Read about some here.

Seems that some shoe stores are starting to take to the web and selling their wares that way. Read about it here.

Wait, then why to the women always drag us shopping with them for shoes? Hmmmmm, I wonder if that'll leave me more time for hockey. Sigh, probably not.

Submitted by Laura.

Someone keeps stealing the signs for Route 666. Hear their plight here.

These church people went out, raised $3000, bought tons of pr0n, the crushed it. Guys everywhere mourn the loss of 273 movies. Read their story here.

Some advice for you lonely people out there.

MONDAY, 4/2/2001, 11:50am HST by Raul

Remember: A monkey basket says "I love you."

Well this potentially does that custom built-in Ethernet hub case one better ... hubs that slip right into standard drive bays. Perhaps, but I think there may be something to be said about having the hub at the BACK of the case rather than the front.

A public service announcement

Research shows that people who are awake 17.5 hours in a row or more a day suffer impairment equivalent to having a blood alcohol level of 0.10 -- legal drunkenness. "When you start to stretch your day you become so impaired that you're a danger" to yourself and others, he says.

Submitted by Jui.

Hemm(p)ing and hawing

Washington, DC -- Supreme Court justices heard arguments for the first time today on whether organizations or individuals who violate federal marijuana laws may raise the defense of "medical necessity" to avoid a criminal conviction. Lawyers for the Justice Department appealed a Ninth Circuit Court of Appeals decision rendered in July that stipulates there exists a class of patients who benefit medically from marijuana, and that they should not face federal criminal penalties for using it. The Ninth Circuit decision added that this legal protection should also extend to organizations that supply such patients with marijuana.

There really isn't much more that's worth posting at this hour, so go mosey on over to Punchbaby and wait for Penfold's post later.

Damn idiots (HardOCP) with broken (HardOCP) search engines (HardOCP).

Late add: Penfold sends the heads up that Fujitsu is selling the next model up from my Laptop for $849 now through their outlet. See the link in the Deals column.

SUNDAY, 4/1/2001, 11:35pm HST by Raul

So you thought there wasn't going to be a post today eh? Well uh ... April Fools!!! Yeah, or something.

Well maybe you've seen these things in the news lately ... they are "instant power chargers" for cell phones and PDAs. But what maybe you didn't know is they produce that power through a chemical reaction with air.

Salon writer Andrew Leonard has a viewpoint on the proposed Napster march that some may find interesting: don't do it.

Now that's a fat steak

PANZANO IN CHIANTI, Italy (Reuters) -- Women wore black, threw flowers and cried mock tears on Saturday as Tuscans mourned the Florentine beefsteak, their culinary glory which was to become illegal at midnight because of the mad cow scare.

Been meaning to post this for a while, but keep forgetting. Iron Chef Japanese Masaharu Morimoto will be in town as part of a Big Brothers-Big Sisters benefit. The catch -- it's $200 a head. Damn! Decisions, decisions.

Man, there is jack doots out there today, except for a bunch of weak April Fools crap like this. I could swear HardOCP Kyle bit on that one.