SATURDAY, 6/23/2001, 6:58pm HST by Penfold
The "Lightning Content" Edition

Just back from the beach, and what did I find in the parking lot? Why, what else but the L33T Jeep.

SATURDAY, 6/23/2001, 12:58pm HST by Penfold
The "Friday Night Slacking" Edition

Another Friday night, another day of slack content.

Pr0n star Jenna Jameson decided to sell off on her cars on eBay. Care for a 1996 Viper? Bid here. If you do buy it, be warned, may contain DNA samples.

Submitted by Luzsyd

While most people would do this only in the privacy of their own homes, Markus Vainionpaa from Finland (17 yrs) aka BLACK RAVEN won the 2000 Air Guitar World Championship. Check it out here.

Hehe. Stolen from our friends at LittleWhiteDog

For the R&B handicapped, we present to you the Rap Dictionary. Not a bad item to have handy when a rapper busts out some old, super obscure line like the 98 Oldsmobile.

San Francisco Chronicle executive editor Phil Bronstein just can't get a break. First off, he gets bitten by a Komodo dragon during a tour of the LA Zoo. Lets take a look at what happened:

He says: "slammed his foot down, anchoring the dragon's lower jaw to the ground .... Bronstein pried the dragon's upper jaw off his foot, hobbled away and dived for the door."

The Zoo says: "Komo without warning bit Phil on his left foot and held on. I grabbed Komo by his neck and yelled at him. He let go after an estimated one or two seconds. I pulled Komo away from Phil and yelled at Phil to get out of the exhibit. After a delay of perhaps 10 to 15 seconds Phil stepped out of the exhibit. I had been repeatedly yelling at Phil to get out,"

Quote of the day

"Computer games don't affect kids; I mean if Pac-Man affected us as kids, we'd all be running around in darkened rooms, munching magic pills and listening to repetitive electronic music."

Kristian Wilson, Nintendo, Inc, 1989

FRIDAY, 6/22/2001, 12:30pm HST by Raul

Too lazy to do graphical content today, plus I have to go in to work early. This new schedule sucks. Where's that Airbone shipment?

The drug war is a failure, but few politicians realize it. Funny that the people on the line where moral proselytizing meet reality in the form of handing out punishments think they are doing great injustices. Here's a bit on how sentencing guidelines have turned judges into little more than politcal patsies.

Junebug sends news that there was a bit of a scare about an alligator in New York's Central Park recently. They called up a young "alligator wrangler" from Florida to take care of the beast, which turned out to be a 2-foot Caiman. Check the story here.

Here's a piece on how the "shadows" stealth aircraft cast on cellular towers can give away their locations more accurately than the radar they are designed to defeat.

Big O day

LONDON (Reuters) -- A major British sex shop chain, citing a recent survey that showed 80 percent of women faked their climax during intercourse, said it is declaring July 31 National Orgasm Day.

THURSDAY, 6/21/2001, 9:58m HST by Penfold

I'm a cow, moooooo.

Is that the sound of the most rarest bird, the Jivus Turkeyus. It's almost believable. Check it out here. See what The Register had to say about it here.

Cookie Monster gets beat down. Read about it here.

Canadian bacon

The first bite slams the palate with salt like a first bite of caviar. Then the salt becomes a stage on which pure porkiness performs. No doubt about it, the Canadians' bacon is better than our stateside misnomer.

The man who gave the word "boom" so much more soul. See a obituary of him here.

THURSDAY, 6/21/2001, 1:30pm HST by Raul

There's chicking out, and then there's CHICKING OUT. I wanted to buy a digital camera but I've always been so disappointed in the actual photography capabilities of most digitals. I decided I'd pay up to $1k for one, but found that there's really no reason to go with a $500-$1k range camera -- they are every bit as inflexible and snapshot-ish as the sub-$500 models, except maybe with a little zoom tacked on. My solution? The Olympus E-10.

Yeah it's almost twice what I intended to pay, but really, it's the only camera in its class. And it looks cool to boot. Check out an insanely detailed review here, or a user's comprehensive page here.

NHL.com has probably been working overtime for this little feature: a team-by-team matrix that lists each team's needs in the 2001 NHL draft. Kudos to them for pulling off what could only have been a highly labor-intensive feature.

This has been up on the Web for a while, but I don't think we ever posted it. It's the I'm a Cow video. Catchy tune, great animation. Thumbs up.

Here's the caption for this Reuters photo:

An elderley Zimbabwean woman smokes a hand rolled cigarette while watching the sun shortly before a total solar eclipse in the Mavuradona hills, 150 km (93 miles) north of Harare June 21, 2001. The eclipse, the first of the millennium, will travel over southern Africa and end at sunset over Madagascar.

Mynah! We go eat.

SHANGHAI, China -- A Chinese woman has launched divorce proceedings against her husband after the family's pet mynah bird reportedly spilled the beans on his marital indiscretions.

According to the Xinmin Evening News, the woman first suspected something was amiss when the bird began repeating words apparently picked up from her husband's secret telephone calls to his lover after she returned from a month-long visit to her parents.

WEDNESDAY, 6/20/2001, 10:58pm HST by Penfold

G'day, I'm Steve Irwin, the crocodile hunter.

Today's lesson, boys and girls, Bridgestone RE 730 good, Goodyear Eagle GA bad.

Get you red hot man beef right here. And no, I'm not talking about that kind of man beef you perv. Read an article about the site here.

How's about this one. A FPS written entirely in Java. WHile not quite Quake 3, it is interesting. Check it out here.

For all you people who get stuck whenever we ask for a though of the day, check out some movie quotes here.

Also make sure to check out it's sister site, nitpickers here.

Mango hiding

SINGAPORE (Reuters) -- A Thai woman has been arrested in Singapore for smuggling nearly 3,000 methamphetamine tablets stashed in fake fruit.

The 51-year-old farmer put the small pink amphetamine pills -- known as in Thailand as Yaba, or crazy drug -- in three plastic replicas of the orange-sized krathorn which were hidden in bags of real Thai fruit, the Straits Times newspaper reported on Wednesday.

WEDNESDAY, 6/20/2001, 4:30am HST by Raul

Okay I've been sitting on this link for quite some time now, so it's time to post it up. The Pikachu Torture Engine might just brighten your day. I occasionally hit it up when I need a laugh.

Yes, Matrox still exists! And they've released the G550! Yawn!

It's NHL draft weekend and with it comes the summetime trading season. As the article says, 12 of the top 18 scoring forwards in the league are going to possibly be looking for new teams. That could mean some serious shakeups leaguewide. Stay tuned ... it could be a completely different NHL next season.

Well Palm has gone with the revolutionary and created a Michael Jordan-themed Palm. Comes with a few MJ-themed "extras" and a fairly hefty price premium to boot. Which brings me to the question that begs to be asked:

WHO THE HELL THINKS OF THESE STUPID PROMOTIONS?

First of all, what the hell does a basketball star need a Palm for? Absolutely nothing! True, this is an attempt by Palm to "expand its audience" (to teens that probably don't need Palms either) but really, is that the right way to go? I say no, and Palm's falling revenues seem to back my opinion up. Palm has not come out with a product worth buying (to the mainstream PDA user) since the Palm III series PDA. I feel no particular need to upgrade my IIIc for anything Palm is offering, especially not at the prices they are charging. I agree with the guy in this forum thread who said Palm really needs to rethink the direction it is going with its products, or they will be out of the PDA business soon.

Okay, so we mentioned a while back that there is such a word (and a thing) as "micropenis." Well PENFOLD (not me, I can assure you) found this image of a supposed micropenis (needless to say: GRAPHIC CONTENT!). Note that this is rotten.com's labeling of it a micropenis, it is unknown whether this is true, clinical micropenis.

For comparision: Hung Far Low.

This week's Gaping Maw has a rather astute and cutting deconstruction of the movie Shrek. As someone who played Bill Budge's Pinball Construction Set, I can confirm the twiddling pinball. The included definition of the word "twiddle" brought this column especially near and dear to my heart. As for his review of Shrek itself, there are some points well taken, but other clever parts completely ignored, for example the amusement-park muzak in the empty Dulac. On the whole, it's true though, Shrek was all "dick and fart jokes."

Oh yeah, and just a warning if you're at work or something ... there's some good ol' pr0n a little further down that page in the previous post.

TUESDAY, 6/19/2001, 9:58pm HST by Penfold

Coming soon, even more hockey gear.

Scoobie snacks

NEW YORK -- Starting Sept. 2, the Cartoon Network will unveil "Adult Swim," a late-night block of animated programming aimed at adults, which will bring old characters back to life and show now-grown cartoon fans what they could never find out on Saturday mornings.

In one episode, Shaggy is driving the Mystery Machine when he's pulled over for "possession" — although it's never made explicit what he's accused of possessing.

In a protest against the Federal Government comes a movement to create our own blackout. Interesting concept, but I'm only mentioning it because their slogan is, "Roll your own blackout". Read about it here.

I've actually seen this Martha Stewart ad and it forever scarred my psyche. Read a commentary about it here (the commercial is mirrored on this link).

For those people with webcams, remember to turn it off when you're getting some, lest you and your partner be immortalized by the web (warning, pr0n content). Read the story here. Man they're pale.

And no, I'm not talking about the drink. Oh those kinky Finns.

TUESDAY, 6/19/2001, 11:00am HST by Raul

Yet another funky Flash site for you to check out: 10,000hz Legend. This one is really weird, I can't figure too much out about it. Anyone?

So recently, someone tries to sell the world's oldest hockey stick on eBay. No takers. Not surprising, since it's just a piece of damn wood, and there are no famous names attached to it. Check out the Web site here.

Coming to a primetime TV screen near you: the TV version of You Don't Know Jack, a trivia game. Hosted by someone who would know something about jack -- Paul Reubens (Pee Wee Herman)! From various sources.

Microsoft OS
Oh, why do you crash so hard?
Part of the design.

From Boomgames via [H]OCP: The top 10 reasons computers crash. Pretty informative for the ever frustrated.

I was perusing the Web and came across this article on Chick's Hardware that tells you how to do a window mod on your slot-loading DVD drive. In other words, it's an article that tells you how to do a hell of a lot of work for essentially nothing.

Will someone please tell me why the hell we need studies like this? If you're a scientist working on this project, how do you explain to your colleagues what it is you do during the day? I especially like the control technique.

LH to be bought by Macy's parent

Federated Department Stores Inc. announced today that it will buy Liberty House, Hawai'i's oldest and largest department store chain, and turn it into Macy's.

MONDAY, 6/18/2001, 9:58pm HST by Penfold

Sunburn going away, feels so much better now.

For Sale: Dragon's Lair #1 hardly used, straight from Don Bluth's office. Bid on it here.

Maybe this place should start selling a line of TarponR gaming computers. On a side note, check out these cool anodized cases here.

Do you have Godzilla in a can? Well you'd better hurry up and let him out. Read about Godzilla in a can or King Ghidora Meat here.

How many?

WASHINGTON (Reuters) -- President Bush was stunned last month when told of the extent of the U.S. nuclear arsenal, Newsweek magazine reported in its June 25 edition, released on Sunday.

"I had no idea we had so many weapons," Bush was quoted as saying by an unidentified "White House insider."

"What do we need them for?" the president was said to have asked at a briefing, according to the Newsweek report.

MONDAY, 6/18/2001, 3:15pm HST by Raul

Today's Raul post is going to have to wait, as I was busy sorting out a, um, very complex computer problem. Yeah, that's the ticket.

SUNDAY, 6/17/2001, 11:58am HST by Penfold
The "Few, the Proud, the Burnt" Edition

Sorry for the lack of content yesterday, but the webmasters were up all night Friday prepping the boat and thus totally cashed yesterday.

Some of the fish we caught, a roi and 2 papio on one lure.

Ah, relief from the sunburn. This stuff is called Sooth-A-Caine and is put out by Banana Boat. This stuff is pretty good, has lidocaine for the pain, menthol for that cooling feeling, and aloe to moisturize the skin.

If any of you have played Duke Nukem 3D, might recall some of the classic lines which he speaks. Now the producers are looking for your ideas. Check out the contest here.

I've always thought that 128kbps mp3 files sucked dong and my Xing encoder, although fast, wasn't all that cherry. On the search for a better ripping/encoding solution, I cam across this.

Pure honesty

BERLIN (Reuters) -- A German Internet Web site (in German, try Babbelfish for some more humor -ed) has offered Madonna fans a ticket for a sold-out concert in Berlin next week in exchange for having sex with one of its reporters, the publisher of on-line magazine Thema1 said on Thursday.

Heusinger said 12 male readers had sent in applications, which included nude photographs, to have sex with a woman columnist named Shelley Masters. Six female readers had sent in applications to have sex with one of three men on the publication's staff and four gay readers had sent in bids to have sex with a gay staff member.